


It's Late At Night; It's Time To Tell You My Secrets

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, M/M, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Pining, Post-Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Post-Season/Series 01, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 12:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11036202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: 'His thumb hovers over send. It isn’t worth it, he knows it isn’t. He should delete it.Message saved to DraftsClose enough.'In which Todd searches for Dirk, and makes conversation with the hole in his life where he used to be.





	It's Late At Night; It's Time To Tell You My Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiiii guys it me
> 
> so i have like 17000 wips to be working on but i saw this post by bracefacefreak on tumblr which really made me wanna do a quick spot of angst so here ya go, a spot of angst it be.
> 
> title from Lousy Connection by Ezra Furman because it's a gr8 song, used in the show and brotzly af.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

_To: Dirk_

_We’re looking for you- Farah’s got her feelers out, we’ll find you, I promise_

Todd glares at the screen. Seventeen times he’s re-worded the text so far and still it isn’t quite right. He angrily backspaces again.

_To: Dirk_

_We’ll find you_

Short, simple. Still not quite right.

Farah glances down as she walks behind his desk chair, frowning. “Todd…”

“I know, Farah.”

“I’m worried about him, too,” she says quietly, putting a cup of coffee down by his mouse mat. “But we can’t risk anyone figuring out that we’re looking for him. It could screw up everything.”

He knows she’s right. Texting Dirk can only do more harm than good. Chances are Dirk won’t even get the texts himself- if he’s being held captive somewhere, they wouldn’t let him keep his phone. And he is _definitely_ being held captive somewhere. Because if he isn’t then he’d just upped and left without a word of his own volition and that… that’s a possibility Todd doesn’t even wanna entertain. But it feels good to write the message. Feels like he’s reaching out, being pro-active. Like saying he’s going to find Dirk will make it a reality.

But he can’t sabotage their chances of saving him before they’ve even started.

He stares at the message a moment longer. Backspaces.

_To: Dirk_

_I’ll find you._

His thumb hovers over send. It isn’t worth it, he knows it isn’t. He should delete it.

_Message saved to Drafts_

Close enough.

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_I hope you’re okay. Wherever you are they’d better be feeding you. Also you have fucking weird taste in pancake toppings._

He writes this as he and Farah go for pancakes and he orders Dirk’s favourite, just to see what all the fuss is about.

It’s pointlessly self-indulgent and a waste of phone memory.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_No luck yet. But we’ve got Amanda and Vogel now- she’s still mad at me, in case you’re wondering._

He writes this as Farah and Amanda crowd around a laptop, focused on their task but drawing comfort from each other’s presence. As Vogel leans against the window, for once quiet and un-rowdy as can be, eyes glazed and distant as thinks about the people missing from this picture.

It’s unhelpful, all it does is make him sadder.

_Message saved to drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_You’re not making this easy, you know. Got enough to deal with without you playing fucking hide-and-seek._

He writes this as the static clears from his vision, as the scalding pain fades from his raw nerve endings and the attack subsides. With one hand hanging limply off the couch, pill bottle dropped and spilling across the floor.

He’s not sure if it’s comforting or not.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_Saw a cat today. I wonder where shark kitten is right now?_

He writes this knowing that these messages are like entries in a diary. That with no one else to read them, he may as well be talking to himself.

Writing them is obsessive. Keeping them even more so.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_We’re still looking. I think maybe we’re getting closer. Hang in there._

He writes this and can almost fool himself into thinking that Dirk’s reading it. That with every passing message, Dirk’s fighting harder and harder to find his way home.

It’s an illusion all too easy to shatter.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_Things are… off-balance. I’m starting to think that you really were instrumental in making the universe work._

He writes this as his hands- so recently engulfed in flames- shake on the phone.

He wonders when he started needing these messages to get through the day.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_I miss you._

He writes this in the safety of the knowledge that Dirk will never read it.

He shouldn’t be disappointed.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_I love you._

He writes this with trembling hands and his heart in his throat.

He knows that this has gone too far.

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_…_

He closes the message without saving.

* * *

_To: Dirk_

_I’m going to tell you._

He writes this without looking at the screen because all of his attention is on Dirk. Dirk, who’s sitting right in front of him with a tired smile on his face. Dirk, who lost weight over the last six months, who’s hair is only just starting to grow back from the military buzz cut. Dirk, who’s been nodding off for the last hour or more but still keeps himself awake and smiling because he doesn’t want to say goodnight just yet. He writes this because he needs to promise himself that he’ll never let Dirk go again. Needs Dirk to know what he means to him.

But the problem is, he just can’t find the words.

_Message saved to Drafts._

He frowns. Flicks to his drafts.

_Saved Drafts: 142_

Then again, maybe he doesn’t need to…

He scrolls back. Back, back, back, all the way to the beginning.

_To: Dirk_

_I’ll find you_

_Saved 13.37, 17/01/2017_

“Todd?”

He looks up. Dirk smiles at him sleepily, half-collapsed on the couch. Todd doesn’t know how he managed to keep the Mexican Funeral t-shirt after all these months, but he looks warm and safe wrapped up in it now. “Who were you texting?”

Todd smiles, squeezing the phone nervously. “You.”

Dirk cocks his head in bemusement. “But I’m right here.”

Oh _God_ , he really is. Todd nods, standing up from the bed. Dirk makes room for him as he crosses over to the couch, slumping onto his shoulder the second he sits down. Todd slips the phone into his hand, and maybe this is a cowardly way to say what he needs to say but he can’t quite bring himself to care with his heart on the line and his cards on the table.

Dirk spends twenty minutes going through the drafts. Todd keeps his face pressed to his hair as he does, not sure what he’ll see if he looks at his expression, even going so far as to tune out the small noises Dirk makes as he reads.

He doesn’t show his face again until he feels the phone pressed carefully back into his hand. Neither of them say a word. He’s almost scared to look Dirk in the eye.

His phone buzzes. He checks it.

_From: Dirk_

_You found me_

He looks at him. Dirk has his eyes on his phone, brow knitted in concentration as he taps away on the screen.

_Bzzt._ Another message. Todd checks again.

_From: Dirk_

_Thank you_

Dirk looks up at him briefly, eyes wide and face flushed. When he hits send again he puts his phone away and folds his hands nervously in his lap.

_Bzzt._ Todd checks his phone.

His heart skips a beat.

_From: Dirk_

_I love you too_

He doesn’t think he’s ever received a more important message in his life.

He looks at Dirk, home and safe where he’s supposed to be, and returns his smile. Taps one last button before he throws his phone aside to be well and truly forgotten until the morning.

_Message saved to Archive._

**Author's Note:**

> welp, there it is. bit o' the sad stuff before i go right back to the shameless fluff.
> 
> hope you enjoyed- maybe leave us a lil comment if you did, i got A LOT of wips to muddle through right now and i'm a sucker for positive reinforcement!
> 
> here's the post that inspired this in case y'all were curious: http://bracefacefreak.tumblr.com/post/161172971496/after-dirk-is-kidnapped-todd-regularly-writes-out
> 
> thanks for reading <3


End file.
